Recently, I got to experience some past life regression therapy.

I got to relive some of my past lives.

Recently, I got to experience some past life regression therapy. I got to relive some of my past lives.

Turns out, I was a Beauty Queen in the Paleozoic Era. Three years running, I won the Miss Pangea Beauty Contest.

But I had to relinquish my title. They took it away from me.

You’re probably thinking, “Why?” “Was it the spread she did at 18?”

No, not that spread.

I had to give up my title because the continental drift drifted so badly, it cracked the earth’s surface and broke Pangea into pieces. It was the most inconvenient Pole-Shift ever.

They made me run again. I won the Miss Lemuria Beauty Contest hands down, but I lost the Miss Atlantis contest. It was all politics!

In the talent portion, they wanted me to levitate... in a bikini. I told them, I will levitate. I will appear in a bikini. But I will not levitate in a bikini! That's where I draw I line.

And I said this to them in perfect Atlantean. That was the problem. I suspected something right from the start. Later on...afterwards, it was confirmed.

All the judges were from the newly formed island of Crete. They were Cretans.

Sure I took a stand, all those years ago. Sure I lost the battle, but look what has happened since then.

Every beauty contest ever since at least the Paleozoic Era has had good looking women who walk on stage wearing beautiful gowns. Talented beauties with perfect hair who modestly introduce themselves before doing something amazing and artistic like play the piano or the violin.

When they’re done, they bow and walk off stage. Then, only then, after a short interlude do they return to the stage wearing bikinis.

Because of me!

If it wasn’t for me, women would have to walk on stage already wearing their bikinis to play the piano.