Perv

Pee-wee, Madonna and somethings never change even though it's 30 years on

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I wrote and performed this bit back in 2014 when Pee-wee was alive and Madonna was riding yet another wave of fame.

So, my friend and I were discussing society's attitude towards displays of sexuality and sexually suggestive actions. We went back and forth for awhile before someone brought up Pee-wee Herman. I think it was me. Remember what happened to him?

Pee-wee was arrested for indecent exposure in 1991, while Madonna was enjoying worldwide fame doing what she does best. Pee-wee recently passed in 2023.

Before, I go any further, I need to take a poll. Please answer as honestly as possible.

Raise your eyebrows if you have seen Pee Wee Herman's private parts, while he was alive. How about his dingle dangles? Raise your hand if you have seen a photograph of Pee-wee’s dingdong? How about an etch-a-sketch of Pee-wee's wee-wee?

Not many people.

Well folks, on that fateful day, somebody saw Pee-wee's one eyed sailor. I read the police report. It was the undercover cop who was looking for it.

A fleeting moment of indiscretion in the dark? An impromptu exposé and all was lost. The television show, the movie sequels, the endorsement fees. Millions of dollars in revenue. All gone. Some might call it a stroke of bad luck.

On the other hand, Madonna built an empire out of exposing herself. She's still kicking and she was still one of the top five earners in the entertainment industry in 2012 with over 200 million dollars in earnings.

In the mid 1990's Madonna got a camera and took pictures of her privates from every conceivable angle. She then published the photographs in a book.

To give you context, if Madonna had taken her book and screwed in some eye-hooks at the back of it and ran a copper wire across. Her fans would have hung her book on the wall. It was a cultural event!

She's didn't bother with the eye-hooks so her fans placed the book on the coffee table with some soft lighting for extra effect.

Remember it wasn't my aunt Fanny who wanted to expose Madonna to me. It was Madonna herself. And she did it with help of millions of her fans.

It happened to me. It was a Sunday morning. I was at a friend's house. There was a whole bunch of us. Somebody walked in, everybody got in a circle, then I heard some “oohhs” and “ahhhs”, then a swoosh sound, like a bag of potato chips being opened.

The book was wrapped in silver cellphone. Those nasty photographs were as fresh as the day she snapped them!

Within in seconds, I was inches away from Madonna's Don Cherry. Not just me, old ladies, little kids and everyone else in between.

Millions around the world have been exposed to Madonna's hu-haa but Pee-Wee Herman was the pervert.

Judge: Will the defendant, please approach the bench.

Pee-wee approaches the bench.

Judge: Mr. Herman, the records show that you took pleasure in yourself in a darkened theater. You exposed yourself in an inconspicuous manner. There was four people in the front row, you were in the back row. (turns page). And everything was dark.

Judge: Where is the entrepreneurial spirit in this act? This sort of sordid behavior flies in the face of good marketing! Mr. Herman, next time you pull in public, I want you to sell tickets. I want you to get on the radio and tell people about it. I want you to print up T-shirts and buttons. When you pull Mr. Herman, you pull for the whole team or you don't pull at all! Guilty as charged. Perv.

Judge: (strikes the gavel) Case closed.

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